


I think we could do it if we tried, If only to say you're mine

by Sestra



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Sharing a Bed, They are oblivious, and maybe feminist controversies, lesbian skinship, skin showing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29744733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sestra/pseuds/Sestra
Summary: Wheein needs to come to terms with the idea that maybe Hyejin has a boyfriend who isn't a complete jerk, and Hyejin needs to find out why she is not so excited about the idea of moving in with her boyfriend. The two young women have known each other since their school days, they even promised to live together in the future. Now they’re older and life has complicated those plans, but the need to be in each other’s lives persists.
Relationships: Ahn Hyejin | Hwasa/Jung Wheein, Kim Yongsun | Solar/Moon Byulyi | Moonbyul
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	I think we could do it if we tried, If only to say you're mine

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my first ever fanfic! This story is unbetaed, therefore, I am sorry for any mistakes you may encounter. Also, I am kinda new to all of this kpop stuff, so don't cringe too hardly if something is not quite culturally accurate I am super open to criticism.  
> I hope you enjoy it :)

"You know I'll do anything you ask me to  
But oh my God, I think I'm in love with you"

_Sophia,_ Clairo

* * *

Wheein was deciding her outfit for tonight’s date, she met him on Tinder. She likes to talk to him about art and social issues, although he tried to explain to her what abstract art is by judging which paintings and painters were overrated -even though she has spent years learning about Art History and has several heavy and expensive manuals about the colour theory on the shelves in her apartment. But a little bit of mansplaining is something you have to deal with sometimes and the important thing is that he is cute and has that androgynist and cool sense of fashion that she is drawn to.

It was a long time ago since Wheein had dated someone, in middle school she often was the one who rejected the boys that awkwardly confessed their crush to her, that was until the last two years of high school. Her grandmother died during that time, she basically raised her since her mother had to work extra hard, so after she passed away she threw herself into parties and alcohol. She felt alone, angry at herself and at the world, she started to hang out with people older than her who were as angry as her. That is when she started to have sexual relationships with people that were easy to use, she liked them at the beginning and then she would get bored, that was until she met  Junseok . She knew she wasn’t in love with him, but he helped her to forget. She became addicted to the attention and the fights, surprisingly he encouraged her to study and finish school, but besides that he was a jerk who made Wheein jealous on purpose so she would look like a crazy desperate girl. It was three months before graduating when she decided to definitely break up with him. 

That relationship made Hyejin become distant from Wheein, they still were friends, but Hyejin didn’t feel comfortable with Wheein’s new friendships and lifestyle. Hyejin found new friends who weren’t depressed and therefore weren’t complaining all the time or mocking her future plans. Although they still talked and would hang out sometimes, it was clear that something was wrong. They had little petty fights because Wheein, afraid of being vulnerable, would say things that knew would hurt her friend. The tense situation exploded the day before graduation when Hyejin and her had a huge argument, it is still their biggest fight up until date. In that fight they poured their feelings to each other, they were both sad and hurt. After the argument they promised to always try to share with each other their burdens. They ended up crying and apologizing in each other's arms, their graduation dresses, make-up and hair ruined. Wheein spent that night in Hyejin’s bed with a borrowed pyjama that smelled like flowers, their favourite Disney movie on the background and Hyejin’s body curled up against hers. Her best friend’s warmth started to heal the self-hatred spiral she had thrown herself into, that night she didn’t regret going to a party with people who didn’t love themselves. 

Then college came and she and Hyejin went to the big city, Wheein wanting to major in visual arts whereas Hyejin planned to study musical composition and production. Their campus was the same, in the first year they even shared some modules. Wheein moved into her aunt’s house whereas Hyejin had to rent a room in a shared apartment with a girl called Yongsun. It was hard for Hyejin at the beginning since Yongsun and her have different and strong personalities. Hyejin would rant about how strict Yongsun was on her, the younger girl didn’t understand why Yong needed to be always occupied. The oldest one poured her stress and frustrations onto Hyejin, who liked a more relaxed and carefree lifestyle. It was like that until one day Yongsun apologized after yelling at her because a stupid reason that left Hyejin almost crying, since that dramatic event they tried to get along, and right now Hyejin consideres her unnie one of her best friends. 

During those first years of university, Wheein used to have multiple casual relationships and dates, from people she would meet in clubs, to classmates to some random acquaintances that would talk to her via direct message on Instagram. Although her craziest fling being a three-week affair with her forty-year-old and married sculpture teacher. When she was working on a project, her teacher would lean on her with the excuse to examine it, but as weeks passed by she started to use a little bit more of perfume that would linger in Wheein’s nose after class. Their sexual tension getting higher and higher with more touches than necessary when digging their fingers in the soft clay and with some comments charged with double meaning, the tension broke one evening in her office. The relationship lasted until Wheein got tired of being the cute and spoiled student who provided the orgasms and freedom that a deteriorated marriage couldn’t. That last one was a little bit messy, but it still was healthier than when she was in High School, she had those sporadic relationships because she wanted not because she needed a distraction, nevertheless none of them lasted. She did not understand why she would have some affection for those people but never managed to fall in love with them, she never ached for anyone, it was like something was always missing. Some of them were decent people who would have been great in a relationship, so she did not know why she couldn’t love them, until she realised why. 

No one could fill that void, because it was already filled, she could never ache for a deep loving and understanding bond because she already had it. The only warmth that she sought when her dark thoughts left her weak and numb was the one of her best friend, it had always been like that, a constant presence. She just didn’t realise the true nature of her feelings until Hyejin started to spend most nights at her boyfriend’s apartment instead in the one she shared with Yongsun where they also spent most of their free time together. So when she could no longer push down her jealousy because that relationship seemed to last longer than the other ones, and on top of that, she truly thought he was a decent man, she downloaded an app and now she was choosing an outfit for a Tinder date, because the guy was nice and she needed a distraction.

“I just think it is not healthy to meet him because today Hyukwoo and Hyejin are celebrating their anniversary” Byulyi is obviously against it. She met her friend when Byulyi introduced herself to a group of new students, they had a fling, but after a week they decided that their feelings were more platonic than romantic. 

“And I just think it is not healthy to give Yongsun the cold shoulder because she has had two dates with Sodam, so please which one do you prefer: the black dress or the white shirt and pants?” Wheein says as she glares to Moonbyul who is laying on her bed frowning.

“Firstly, my situation with Yongsun is complicated” Wheein sighs when she hears that. “And secondly, I prefer the shirt and pants, but you look really hot on that dress.”

Moonbyul is right, but she does not have the mental energy to be rational and make good decisions. 

“It is the dress then”.

  
***  
  


Hyejin’s love language is physical touch, she likes to hug tight the people she loves. She likes to caress her grandmother's cheek when she speaks with her, she likes to delicately hold hands when she speaks with someone, she cuddles her friends when she is sleepy and she spoils her baby nephew because she likes to hold him while he sleeps, it is better than leaving him on the crib alone. She is affectionate and she is not ashamed of it, unlike her friend Yongsun who feels uncomfortable when she tries to express her feelings and her first instinct is to joke or insult whoever tries to compliment her, Moonbyul is very much aware of it. Her current boyfriend is always teasing her for being clingy, so it is a bit surprising Hyejin’s stiffness and confused expression after he tells her to move in together. 

“Move in together? It isn’t a little bit early?” Hyejin says, she puts a bit of distance between them and takes a sip from her glass of red wine. 

“Not right now, but you said that Yongsun plans to go on a trip around Europe and she might stay there if she finds a job and you’re finishing your studies. I am not saying to move next week but…” He grabs her hand and softens his voice “I think we really work well together”

He is not wrong, they work well together, he is the first man who has treated her like a human being and not like a sexy prize. Men approach her because of her femme fatale vibes. She can’t help it, she has a resting bitch face that makes her seem unattainable, which is always attractive, and when she discovered that her curves are sexy and not something dirty to be ashamed of, she embraced them. She likes to wear tight dresses that hug her hips and to reveal her unapologetic tan skin. She loves a good bold make-up look; the smell of alluring fragrances and her large feminine hands are always decorated with long sharp nails. So, when she flirts, she likes to play the role of a diva, her friends even created a nickname for her: Hwasa, for when she is in that mood.

However, she is not really like that and guys leave when they discover that they aren’t with a heartless vamp. When she started to date Hyukwoo, he didn’t run away and she felt really happy to be around him, both of them like music and he doesn’t seem intimidated by her intelligence. But for some reason, she doesn’t foresee a future with him, rationally is not a bad idea, but she made a promise with Wheein some years ago to move together after graduating from college. Is it silly to hold onto that promise?

She looks at their interlocked hands and sighs. “I will think about it” She doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her teenage promise with Wheein. He looks a little bit disappointed but doesn’t bring the subject for the rest of the night, Hyejin decides to order more wine, her unsettling feeling goes ignored. 

  
  


***

Wheein wakes up with the feeling of a weight on top of her duvet wrapping her body and a face nuzzling her hair. 

“Wheein-aaaaah wake up please” She feels lips pressing small kisses on her head and a smell of flowers that contrasts with the smell of cigarettes and alcohol she feels emanating. 

“Jin-ah stop” Wheein moans while she starts to be conscious of her pounding head and her overheated body. Hyejin moves away when Wheein starts to wiggle, after seeing that her short friend has no intentions to get out of bed, she goes to the kitchen for a large glass of water that she leaves on the nightstand. 

“You didn’t answer my text or my calls, so I sent a message to your aunt asking if you were here and I came over” says Hyejin as she observes Wheein gulping down the whole glass. “Rough night?”

“We ended up in a pub, the music was good and the people were animated so I guess I got carried away and drank a lot” she avoids to say that she drank a little bit more than she should during dinner, before going to the pub, because she saw her stupid selca with the stupid bouquet of roses on Hyejin’s instastories. 

“I guess your date went well then, are you planning to meet him again?”

She had fun and at some point they drunkenly made out in the bathroom of the pub. But she hasn’t thought if she wants to see him again, she knows she is not going to fall in love with him anyway. 

“I don’t know yet” She answers, she wants to change the topic. “Why did you come here, though? I thought you were going to stay with Hyukwoo” She hates herself a little bit for bringing him into the conversation, but honestly it is a little bit strange that she came here in the morning after her anniversary date. 

“It is not that early and I felt like seeing you, lately we haven’t spent much time together” This morning Hyejin got up from bed without disturbing her boyfriend and went directly to the shower, she had woken up thinking about Wheein and Hyukoo wanting them to live together. She wanted to see her friend; it was a long time since they didn’t spend time alone, just the two of them.

“It is true, this new job sucks my time up” Wheein grimaced, she liked to finally work in something related to art, but because she was new she was doing extra work, this also gave her a perfect excuse to not to hang out with Hyukwoo. Besides, she spent her free time with her friends or visiting her mother. When she saw Hyejin it was normally with the company of Yongsun and Byulyi. Since she realised the true nature of her feelings for Hyejin she felt uncomfortable doing plans with her alone. 

“Well, today is Saturday and you don’t have to work and if you have something to do you can do it tomorrow. Come and have lunch with me and then we can watch a movie or something” She wants to protest, but Hyejin is looking at her with such hopeful eyes that she can't say no, and besides she really misses her.

“Okay, let me shower first I feel gross” 

They have lunch in a restaurant nearby Hyejin’s flat, it is a place they usually go, the waiter knows them and sometimes he sneaks an extra dish for them, like today. 

“I love coming here, he is always so nice to us” Wheein comments as she eats greedily to fill her empty stomach.

“Yeah, me too, I really like this area” Thinking about her current neighbourhood brings her back to the conversation with her boyfriend about living together, she needs to think about where she’s going to live next year, their landlord told them that he’s going to raise the rent when Yongsun leaves and she doesn’t feel like sharing that apartment with a stranger. Being a woman in the part of the music industry where you do not have to sell your looks is hard, but once she’s graduated, she could have a part-time job while making her own productions, she can’t afford her own flat she’ll need to share. Hyejin wasn’t sure if she was ready to live with her boyfriend; sometimes she needed her own space. She liked to live with her friend and have a life separately from him. If she moved with Wheein it would be like living with Yongsun, but better because they knew each other for so many years and they really liked to spend time together. 

She must be spacing out because suddenly Wheein stops eating and looks at her curiously. 

“Hey, what’s going on? I asked if you wanted to go directly to your house or to go to the park so we can lay on the grass a little bit” 

“Nothing, it’s just” Hyejin sighs she doesn’t know why it feels so hard to tell her best friend that her boyfriend wants to move in with her. “Hyukwoo told me yesterday during dinner that he wants us to live together after Yongsun leaves” she looks at Wheein who is frozen, until something in her snaps and before Hyejin says anything more comments.

“That’s good,” Wheein smiles stiffly at Hyejin, who doesn’t respond and instead looks at her deep blue nails sighing. 

“Um, it is a good signal, right? Did something happen with him?”

“No, no, we are fine” She wants to tell her that she is unsure of moving with him but that she doesn’t know how to say no and that she still recalls the promise they made when they were teenagers to live together, but for some reason she feels silly saying those things. “I told him I would think about it”.

“You still have time, Yongsun doesn’t leave in at least four months” Wheein says after seeing her friend quite bothered. 

“You are right, today is for us, we shouldn't talk about complicated adult matters”.

“So, do you want to go to the park and enjoy the nice weather?”

“Yes, and we could also get an ice cream” Hyejin responds with a smile. 

Wheein ends up taking a little nap in the park, head resting on Hyejin’s thighs and face against her belly. She was still tired from last night and she tried to draw some sketches but Hyejin started to scratch her hair with those long blue nails and well she couldn’t resist Morpheus’s call. 

They leave the park when the sky starts to get darker, deciding to start preparing their sleepover. Wheein knows she should’ve had to say no about the sleepover, but it would be weird and she was weak. The thing is that Wheein doesn't like to sleep alone, when she was a little girl she often slept with her mother and her grandmother in their beds. She sleeps better with a body next to her and she always unconsciously seeks for its heat, so when moving to Seoul Wheein has spent a lot of nights at Hyejin’s house. The other girl is the perfect sleep buddy since she is also touchy. Wheein even has a spare toothbrush and some clothes in the flat, although she never brought a pyjama set because she likes to use one of Hyejin’s oversized t-shirts. At the beginning it was a little awkward with Yongsun, but after Hyejin and her ironed things out, Wheein quickly became friends with the oldest girl, the both girls sharing the same crackhead humour, sometimes Wheein being the only one following Yongsun’s antics and laughing loudly. So, it was just natural to stay tonight in the flat, it is one of those nights where Yongsun joins them for dinner and dramas, they are preparing the food when Yongsun comes in, she looks tired and barely smiles at the girls.

“Hi” she says quieter than usual “I’m gonna take a shower and I’ll help with the food, I brought beer and soju”. 

The two younger girls look at each other worriedly, without saying anything they know that today her oldest friend needs a long talk and a few beers, they can guess what is about. 

Wheein’s and Hyejin’s head move in synchrony watching as her friend drinks another shot. After the shower she ignored the girls’ worried stares and decided to ask instead about their day and projects. Now the three of them are in the living room, the cans of beer and bottles of soju that Yongsun brought are on the table, Hyejin is lying on the sofa while the two older are sitting on the floor, their backs resting against the couch. 

“Unnie are you okay?” says Wheein softly as she stops Yongsun from filling herself another glass. 

“Yes, why wouldn't I be?” she scoffs. 

Hyejin gives her a pointed look. “You barely looked at us when you came here, and you slammed the bathroom door” Wheein nods to support her friend’s statement. “and in the past two weeks you have been staying at work longer than usual, you no longer sing while doing your breakfast and you have become obsessed with that cheesy drama”.

Yongsun stares at Hyejin from her position on the floor with a pout and teary eyes, alcohol kicking in and lowering her defences. Wheein decides to rest a hand on Yongsun’s shoulder and then says softly as she rubs her hand. “Is it because Byulyi?” at that, tears start to fall silently from the eldest eyes. Hyejin clicks her tongue and decides to join them on the floor giving a side hug to the crying girl. 

“I don’t understand why she is so mad at me; you know we usually fight but this time she refuses to speak to me” at that Yongsun starts to sob, Hyejin gives her a tissue while Wheein squishes her a little bit encouraging her to speak more. 

To summarise, Byulyi fell for Yongsun the moment she met her but at that time Yong was allegedly heterosexual, dating a guy, having a stable job and in general, being quite miserable. Then, she started hanging out more with Byulyi, Wheein and Hyejin and her world expanded into one full of rainbows and bold remarks against social norms. Because she is a stubborn woman who cannot do anything low-key, she dropped her job and broke up with her boyfriend. On top of that, she decided to major in law so she could work in an organisation that helped women who had suffered sexual harassment and needed legal help. At the beginning she wasn’t aware of her attraction towards Byulyi, because she still didn’t know that maybe her relationships with men didn’t work because she wasn’t attracted to them. Once Yong started to fight her internalised homophobia and heteronormativity, Byul started to date a hot model from one of her photoshoots. The said model went to work abroad and the couple tried to do long distance, but she ended up confessing in a video call that she'd cheated on her. Yong during that time was there for her friend which deepened their friendship. Yong assumed Byulyi was no longer attracted to her, and after the model fiasco Byulyi was too hurt to think about another relationship. Finally, when everyone thought that they would end up together, Yong started to plan a trip to the other side of the world which Byulyi didn’t take very well.

“I was pissed when she got mad at me after telling her I’m leaving, and we said very regrettable things to each other” Yong continues after she’s calmed down a little. “Now I’m sad, I really need her, despite being annoying she is my rock, she always helps me when I’m too stressed” She then adds softly while looking at her fluffy socks “I love her”.

Hyejin looks at Wheein, both of them understanding that her unnie normally doesn’t open up about her feelings like this. 

“I could talk to her” Wheein says, she didn’t want to get involved in that mess because normally they would figure things out by themselves, but it is clearly making her two older friends quite miserable. 

Later, when everything is dark and quiet, Wheein speaks to the girl who has an arm wrapped around her waist and has her head tucked in her neck. 

“Do you think Byulyi and Yong would be alright?” Hyejin hums in approval holding Wheein a little bit tighter. 

“Byulyi is being an idiot, they’re clearly in love” Wheein can feel her friend’s lips moving against her neck as she speaks, a shiver goes down her spine and decides to move. Hyejin obviously protests at the sudden movement but still lets her, now Wheein is facing her with their intertwined hands resting in the space between their faces. 

“Yeah, but also Yong going on dates with Sodam makes no sense” Wheein adds. 

“She is very sweet and nice with Yong I can understand her”.

“But Yong is in love with Byulyi, they make each other happy and they’ve been through a lot together.” Wheein continues, thinking about how dependable of each other they have become over the past year. 

“Maybe she is scared of losing their friendship” Hyejin responds and Wheein feels her hot breath on her fingers as the other woman whispers. 

“They’re going to lose that friendship if they aren’t honest with their feelings” The moment that sentence leaves her mouth, Wheein knows how hypocrite she’s being. However, the situation is different, she thinks, in the case of their unnies the attraction is mutual, Hyejin has a boyfriend and she loves him.

“Baby, don’t worry about it, yeah? You’ll talk with Byul and they’ll be fine, now let’s sleep” she kisses their intertwined hands. 

“Good night” Wheein murmurs and stays awake a little longer thinking about heart-to-heart talks, romantic feelings and friendships. 

**Author's Note:**

> I like external validation so feel free to comment anything :D


End file.
